http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/-t1.htm Share and enjoy the jokes Thu, 26 Feb 2009 06:44:07 GMT 10 http://i75.servimg.com/u/f75/11/85/04/61/logo10.gif http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/-t1.htm http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/men-strike-back-t176.htm un4giv3n-lee How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened when she brings it. Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you. Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows Them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she ... Jokes Mon, 17 Nov 2008 09:36:35 GMT http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/men-strike-back-t176.htm#241 http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/men-strike-back-t176.htm http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/helping-hand-t202.htm Anonymous A man writing at the post office desk was approached by an older fellow with a post card in his hand. The old man said, "Sir, I'm sorry to bother you but could you address this post card for me? My arthritis is acting up today and I can't even hold a pen." "Certainly sir,' said the younger man, "I'd be glad to." He wrote out the address and also agreed to write a short message and sign the card for the man. Finally, the younger man asked, "Now, is there ... Jokes Thu, 26 Feb 2009 06:44:07 GMT http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/helping-hand-t202.htm#345 http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/helping-hand-t202.htm http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/papa-at-the-asylum-t199.htm un4giv3n-lee The Bathtub Test During a visit to the mental asylum, Papa asked the director "how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized." "Well," said the director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub." "Oh, I understand," Papa said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup." "No." ... Jokes Fri, 20 Feb 2009 09:39:38 GMT http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/papa-at-the-asylum-t199.htm#341 http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/papa-at-the-asylum-t199.htm http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/bovette-s-1st-time-a-note-from-his-diary-t193.htm un4giv3n-lee i found this in bovette's diary. i know it is rude to open people's diaries without their consent but i just couldn't resist. it was dated 03 january 2009 but i guess it happened years back. i'm sorry to have copied it but i just had to share, enjoy MY FIRST CONDOM: I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it. She ... Jokes Mon, 02 Feb 2009 10:11:49 GMT http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/bovette-s-1st-time-a-note-from-his-diary-t193.htm#330 http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/bovette-s-1st-time-a-note-from-his-diary-t193.htm http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/smile-s-diary-t195.htm un4giv3n-lee okay guys please dont say that i'm making a habit of peeping through other people's diaries but its not my fault that i keep bumping into their most treasured possesions. a few day Smile to drop her diary (its not my fault that she carries it around with her wherever she goes) and i fortunately (or unfortunately in her case) i happened to pick it, read it and found that i really like her maturity level and sense of knowledge. and again i had to share with you guys. sorry but i the diary was ... Jokes Mon, 02 Feb 2009 11:06:05 GMT http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/smile-s-diary-t195.htm#332 http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/smile-s-diary-t195.htm http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/train-ticket-t194.htm un4giv3n-lee Three women and three men are traveling by train to the football game. At the station, the three men each buy a ticket and watch as the three women buy just one ticket. "How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asks one of the men. "Watch and learn," answers one of the women. They all board the train. The three men take their respective seats but all three women cram into a toilet together and close the door. Shortly after the train has departed, ... Jokes Mon, 02 Feb 2009 10:36:20 GMT http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/train-ticket-t194.htm#331 http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/train-ticket-t194.htm http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/sex-is-good-t192.htm un4giv3n-lee REASONS WHY PEOPLE SHOULD ENGAGE IN MORE SEXUAL ACTIVITIES!!! 1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth. ============ 2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow. ============= 3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during ... Jokes Mon, 02 Feb 2009 09:58:08 GMT http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/sex-is-good-t192.htm#329 http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/sex-is-good-t192.htm http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/a-girls-night-out-t186.htm un4giv3n-lee Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out; both were very faithful and loving wives. However, they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers. Incredibly drunk & walking home, they needed to peee, so they stopped in the cemetery. One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her pant-ies and use them. Her friend, however, was wearing a rather expensive pair of pant-ies and did not want to ruin them, but was lucky enough to squat down ... Jokes Mon, 24 Nov 2008 11:27:58 GMT http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/a-girls-night-out-t186.htm#314 http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/a-girls-night-out-t186.htm http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/the-truth-the-whole-truth-and-nothing-but-the-truth-t187.htm un4giv3n-lee 9 things women don't know - but men do. 1. There are two types of men. Those who cheat and those who lie about it. Choose one 2. Men have sexual thoughts about every woman they meet. 3. A man is incapable of saying 'no' to $ex (So watch your best friends carefully) 4. A man can reach his org@sm in 30 seconds if he wants to. Consider every second that he lasts longer than a minute is a bonus 5. If a man has not introduced you to any of his friends/family a month ... Jokes Mon, 24 Nov 2008 11:52:40 GMT http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/the-truth-the-whole-truth-and-nothing-but-the-truth-t187.htm#315 http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/the-truth-the-whole-truth-and-nothing-but-the-truth-t187.htm http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/toothbrush-t178.htm un4giv3n-lee A small girl walks-in while her father is dressing in the bedroom . She looks at his privates and points at his cork and asks "Dad what's that thing between your legs?" Dad replies "I don't know". She goes to kitchen and finds her mum "Mum what is that long thing between dad's legs?" The mum instead of explaining things to her she replies "I don't know" A week later when the mum was coming from work the little girl runs to her and ... Jokes Mon, 17 Nov 2008 09:53:22 GMT http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/toothbrush-t178.htm#243 http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/toothbrush-t178.htm http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/correct-definitions-t173.htm un4giv3n-lee ABSENT MINDED PERSON -- One who stands in front of the mirror for hours trying to remember where he has seen the person before. LECTURE -- An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either." OPPORTUNISTS -- One who starts having a bath when he/she accidentally falls in a river. CONFERENCE -- The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present. COMPROMISE ... Jokes Wed, 12 Nov 2008 11:49:05 GMT http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/correct-definitions-t173.htm#236 http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/correct-definitions-t173.htm http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/busted-t179.htm un4giv3n-lee At a doctor's surgery one morning a patient arrives complaining of serious backache. The doctor examines him and asks him, "What the hell did you do to your back?" "The patient replies, "You know that I am a bouncer at a local night club? Well, yesterday morning I got home to my flat quite early and heard a noise in my bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been sleeping with my wife as my wife was lying naked in bed and the balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony ... Jokes Mon, 17 Nov 2008 10:07:07 GMT http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/busted-t179.htm#244 http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/busted-t179.htm http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/25-reasons-i-owe-my-mother-t180.htm un4giv3n-lee 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE . 'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.' 2. My mother taught me RELIGION. 'You better pray that will come out of the carpet.' 3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL 'If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!' 4. My mother taught me LOGIC. ' Because I said so, that's why.' 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC 'If you fall out of ... Jokes Mon, 17 Nov 2008 10:24:24 GMT http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/25-reasons-i-owe-my-mother-t180.htm#245 http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/25-reasons-i-owe-my-mother-t180.htm http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/showing-off-t183.htm un4giv3n-lee Nhlaka grew up in Johannesburg He went to law school in London . After his studies he decided to go back to Johannesburg , because he could be a big man here . There he opened his new law office. The first day, he saw a man coming up to his office and decided to make a big impression. As the man came to the door, Bongani pretended to be on the phone and motioned the man to take a seat. Nhlaka said into the phone: "No. Absolutely no. You tell those clowns in New York that am not ... Jokes Wed, 19 Nov 2008 12:09:42 GMT http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/showing-off-t183.htm#251 http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/showing-off-t183.htm http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/buying-condoms-t164.htm un4giv3n-lee A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. "Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better ... Jokes Tue, 11 Nov 2008 15:51:44 GMT http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/buying-condoms-t164.htm#226 http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/buying-condoms-t164.htm http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/down-with-plain-english-t172.htm un4giv3n-lee From the Michigan Law Journal, 5/97, written by one Alan Falk, a Commissioner of the MI Court of Appeals, in Lansing... as a letter to the editor of same. "On behalf of abecedarians and logodaedalophiles, I rise to denounce the paraphasts who wish to foist a "Plain English" law upon us. Never mind that these soi-disant aolists have battologically assailed us in the pages of our professional journal, condemning the lexiphanes and logodaedalist with the same broad ... Jokes Wed, 12 Nov 2008 11:46:36 GMT http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/down-with-plain-english-t172.htm#235 http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/down-with-plain-english-t172.htm http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/pick-up-lines-and-brush-off-s-t171.htm un4giv3n-lee I want to give myself to you. Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts. May I see you pretty soon? Don't you think I'm pretty now? You look like a dream. Go back to sleep. I can tell that you want me. Yes, I want you to leave. Hey, baby, what's your sign? Do not enter. or Stop. I'd go through anything for you. Let's start with your bank account. May I have the last dance? You've just had it. I would go to the end of the world for you. Yes, but would ... Jokes Wed, 12 Nov 2008 11:18:38 GMT http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/pick-up-lines-and-brush-off-s-t171.htm#234 http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/pick-up-lines-and-brush-off-s-t171.htm http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/17-female-rules-t170.htm un4giv3n-lee 1.The female makes the rules. 2.The rules are subject to change by the female at any time without prior notification. 3.No male can possibly know all the rules. Attempts to document the rules are not permitted. 4.If the female suspects that the male may know some or all of the rules, she must immediately change some or all of the rules. 5.The female is never wrong. 6.If the female is wrong, it is because of an egregarious misunderstanding which was the direct result of ... Jokes Wed, 12 Nov 2008 10:40:01 GMT http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/17-female-rules-t170.htm#233 http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/17-female-rules-t170.htm http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/national-security-t169.htm un4giv3n-lee Darkwing of the National Security, was wondering around the parking lot of a bar, bumping into every car and then rubbing the roofs of the cars. The manager comes out of the bar and stops Darkwing. "What the heck are you doing?" he asks Darkwing. "I'm looking for my car, and I can't find it." "So how does feeling the roof help you?" He asked Darkwing. "Well," Darkwing replied. "MY car has two blue lights and a siren on the roof!!" Jokes Wed, 12 Nov 2008 10:22:26 GMT http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/national-security-t169.htm#232 http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/national-security-t169.htm http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/court-cases-t168.htm un4giv3n-lee These are from a book called "Disorder in the American Courts", and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. ___________________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ___________________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in ... Jokes Wed, 12 Nov 2008 10:11:55 GMT http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/court-cases-t168.htm#231 http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/court-cases-t168.htm http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/6-truths-about-life-t167.htm un4giv3n-lee 1. You cannot touch all your teeth with your tongue.


2. All idiots, after reading the first truth will try it.

3. The first truth is a lie.


4. You're smiling now because you're an idiot.

5. You soon will forward this to another idiot.

6. There's still a stupid smile on your face because you know the cycle will continue]]> Jokes Wed, 12 Nov 2008 10:00:47 GMT http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/6-truths-about-life-t167.htm#230 http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/6-truths-about-life-t167.htm http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/the-effects-of-alcohol-t166.htm un4giv3n-lee THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. Innovative 2. Preliminary 3. Proliferation 4. Cinnamon THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. Specificity 2. Anti-constitutionalistically 3. Passive-aggressive disorder 4. Transubstantiate THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. No thanks, I'm married. 2. Nope, no more booze for me! 3. Sorry, but you're not really my type. 4. Taco Bell? No thanks, I'm not hungry. 5. Good ... Jokes Wed, 12 Nov 2008 09:53:55 GMT http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/the-effects-of-alcohol-t166.htm#229 http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/the-effects-of-alcohol-t166.htm http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/question-asked-in-class-t165.htm un4giv3n-lee The teacher asks: "Why do cows look so depressed when being milked?"

The learner replies: "Madam, how would you feel if someone rubs your breasts for 2 hours and doesn't give it to you?]]> Jokes Tue, 11 Nov 2008 16:05:02 GMT http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/question-asked-in-class-t165.htm#228 http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/question-asked-in-class-t165.htm http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/thoght-of-the-day-t163.htm un4giv3n-lee Sometimes when I reflect back on all the alcohol I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers at SAB (South African Brewery) and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink their alcohol , they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink and Let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver." Jokes Tue, 11 Nov 2008 15:31:33 GMT http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/thoght-of-the-day-t163.htm#225 http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/thoght-of-the-day-t163.htm http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/must-do-things-b4-u-leaving-varsity-t161.htm un4giv3n-lee 1. Leave permanent markers by the dry-erase board. 2. Ask whether the first chapter will be on the test. If the lecturer says no, rip the pages out of the textbook. 3. Hold up a piece of paper that says in large letters "CHECK YOUR FLY". (At Least for the Male lecturers.) 4. Address the lecturer as "your excellency". 5. When the lecturer turns on his laser pointer, scream "AAAGH! MY EYES!" 6. Relive your your Junior High days by leaving ... Jokes Mon, 10 Nov 2008 13:23:19 GMT http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/must-do-things-b4-u-leaving-varsity-t161.htm#221 http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/must-do-things-b4-u-leaving-varsity-t161.htm http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/newtons-law-of-romance-t160.htm un4giv3n-lee Husband asks, "Do you know the meaning of WIFE"

"It means...Without Information Fighting Everytime!"

Wife says, "No, it means -With Idiot For Ever"

Newtons Law of Romance:

"LOVE CAN NEITHER BE CREATED NOR BE DESTROYED
-IT CAN ONLY BE CHANGED FROM ONE GIRL FRIEND TO ANOTHER."
]]> Jokes Mon, 10 Nov 2008 13:00:45 GMT http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/newtons-law-of-romance-t160.htm#220 http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/newtons-law-of-romance-t160.htm http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/men-rules-t159.htm un4giv3n-lee (Written by a guy) Now here are the rules from the male side. These are OUR rules! Please note.. these are all numbered '1' ON PURPOSE! 1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but ... Jokes Mon, 10 Nov 2008 12:39:59 GMT http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/men-rules-t159.htm#219 http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/men-rules-t159.htm http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/woman-again-t158.htm un4giv3n-lee A woman and a man are involved in a car accident. It's a bad one. Both of their cars are demolished but amazingly neither of them is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So, you're a man... That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days." The man replied," I agree with ... Jokes Mon, 10 Nov 2008 12:30:01 GMT http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/woman-again-t158.htm#218 http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/woman-again-t158.htm http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/just-blonde-t157.htm un4giv3n-lee Asswhippa goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss Omen, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?" Asswhippa replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away." "I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go home for the day... we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest." The blonde Asswhippa very calmly explains, "No, I'd be better ... Jokes Mon, 10 Nov 2008 12:17:42 GMT http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/just-blonde-t157.htm#217 http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/just-blonde-t157.htm http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/woman-are-just-evil-t156.htm un4giv3n-lee A woman went up to the bar in a quiet pub... She gestured alluringly to the bartender (June) who approached her immediately. She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caressed his full beard. ''Are you the manager" she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no," June replied. "Can you get him for me I need to speak to him," she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair. "I'm ... Jokes Mon, 10 Nov 2008 12:06:54 GMT http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/woman-are-just-evil-t156.htm#216 http://un4given.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/woman-are-just-evil-t156.htm