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Men are like lava lamps.
Fun to look at, but not very bright.
Men are like placemats.
They only show up when there's food on the table.
Men are like mascara.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
Q. How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
A. We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
Q. What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner?
A. A power failure.
Q. What does a man consider to be a seven course meal?
A. A hot dog and a six pack.
A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of?
Dating children.
How are men like noodles?
They are always in hot water, they lack taste and they need dough.
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
No one knows, it's never happened.
What's a man idea of helping with the housework?
Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.
How do you confuse a man?
You don't - they're born that way.
Why do men act like idiots?
Who says they're -acting?
How can you tell if a man is cheating on you?
He has a bath more than once a month.
Why don't women work as long and as hard as men in the office?
They do it right first time
Q. Why do men buy electric lawn mowers?
A. So they can find their way back to the house. IDIOTS
Q: What's the best way to kill a man?
A: Put a naked woman and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals"
Why don't men have mid-life crises?
They stay stuck in adolescence
What do you call a man who has lost 95% of his brainpower?
A widower. there is no way you can think for yourselves
What is the thinnest book in the world?
What Men Know About Women.
What did God say after she made Eve?
"Practice makes perfect."
A husband was trying to prove to his wife that women talk more than men.
He showed her a study which indicated
that men use about 10,000 words per day, whereas women use 20,000 words per day.
His wife thought about this for a while. She then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say.
Her husband looked stunned. He said "What?"
Fun to look at, but not very bright.
Men are like placemats.
They only show up when there's food on the table.
Men are like mascara.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
Q. How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
A. We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
Q. What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner?
A. A power failure.
Q. What does a man consider to be a seven course meal?
A. A hot dog and a six pack.
A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of?
Dating children.
How are men like noodles?
They are always in hot water, they lack taste and they need dough.
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
No one knows, it's never happened.
What's a man idea of helping with the housework?
Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.
How do you confuse a man?
You don't - they're born that way.
Why do men act like idiots?
Who says they're -acting?
How can you tell if a man is cheating on you?
He has a bath more than once a month.
Why don't women work as long and as hard as men in the office?
They do it right first time
Q. Why do men buy electric lawn mowers?
A. So they can find their way back to the house. IDIOTS
Q: What's the best way to kill a man?
A: Put a naked woman and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals"
Why don't men have mid-life crises?
They stay stuck in adolescence
What do you call a man who has lost 95% of his brainpower?
A widower. there is no way you can think for yourselves
What is the thinnest book in the world?
What Men Know About Women.
What did God say after she made Eve?
"Practice makes perfect."
A husband was trying to prove to his wife that women talk more than men.
He showed her a study which indicated
that men use about 10,000 words per day, whereas women use 20,000 words per day.
His wife thought about this for a while. She then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say.
Her husband looked stunned. He said "What?"
